How am I doing?

Well, I’m a single girl now.  Yes, this is why I’ve been MIA from everything.

It sucks. A lot. Every day. Kind of like a part of me has died. Some days I don’t want to get out of bed. Nothing feels good. Nothing feels right. Nothing is quite as much fun as it used to be. The world seems a little duller. Everything is a memory. I feel like I’m lost at sea without a sail. I am angry, and sad, and depressed. And I never want to do this again. My heart is broken. I lost the person who made me believe in soul mates. I will never be the same.

Other days I feel okay. I feel like I’ll survive. I know that I wouldn’t have done anything differently, and I’m beyond grateful for the experience. I’m thankful that someone came and woke my heart up. I’m thankful for all the things I learned, and got to experience. I’m thankful for all the places I got to go, and all the beautiful people I got to meet. I’m thankful that someone accepted me for me- all of me. I’m thankful that I got to experience love.

Where do I go from here?

I don’t know. I don’t know anything about anything. I just take it one day at a time. I laugh in moments of happiness and cry in moments of sadness. The only thing I can possibly begin to strive for is authenticity. I just want to live a life true to my convictions regardless of what any human on this planet thinks. Those convictions may change from day to day, and I’ll just go with that.

I’m not writing this for sympathy. I’m writing this because we’re too “happy” on the internet; trying to convince people of how great our lives are. I just want people to know that we all struggle and we all have sucky moments. And you’re not alone. Life is short. Life is tough. Try to make the best of it while we’re here.
And remember, just keep swimming.

just-keep-swimming

xoxo Kaisha

****Author’s note: A lot has changed since I wrote this post. A lot 😉
I am in a great place now. I am truly happy. However, I want to leave this post up, because I want it to be seen that life is not perfect. It has ups and downs. And I pray that someone will see me SURVIVE the lows and be encouraged to survive his/her lows as well. You DO have the strength to carry on!****

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