Now, I don’t talk much about dating here on Keep It Short and Sweet, because I don’t consider myself much of a relationship expert, but when my friend asked me this question, I figured I’d take a stab at it. After all, it’s hard being an ambitious girl in a man’s world. Men are expected to take over the world with no questions asked, but ambitious women often get a bad rap and have to face some scrutiny. With that being said, let’s get to it.
Had I been asked this question a couple of years ago, my immediate response would have been to ditch that zero and find someone who supports your dreams. I would say tell him that you’re a strong black (or insert whatever adjective you deem appropriate) woman, and you don’t believe in his ideals. Now that I’m older and wiser, I realize that pitching a fit and jumping ship doesn’t always yield the best results.
I think communication is the key to healthy relationships. Thus, you gotta talk to the guy. Figure out why he thinks you’re “doing too much”. Surely, a man who loves you will want you to succeed and wants your dreams to come true, so you have to get to the root of his insecurities. Maybe he’s afraid of losing you to your career. Maybe he’s worried because you’d rather spend time roaming the streets at night than spend time with him and it makes him feel neglected. Men have a strange way of expressing their vulnerabilities. In these cases, if he’s feeling insecure about your relationship because he’s feeling left behind, try to find ways to include him.
Find small (even the tiniest) ways to get him involved in what you’re doing. It could be helping you send out some mail, taking some headshots for you, asking his opinion about a project you’re working on, letting him help pick out your outfit, or inviting him out with you. If his schedule conflicts with yours and he can’t actually go out with you, send him selfies throughout the night. I know it’s corny, but the little things really do make a difference.
If you can’t get him involved in your business, try to get involved in his. Take interest in his interests/career. Try to learn a little more about it. Make him feel like you’re investing just as much into him as you are into the other things you have going on.
Lastly, if all else fails pull out the old fashioned tricks of the trade. Women have to know how to use what they have to get what they want. If he likes to eat, feed him until he can’t breathe. If he likes sex, ride it like a Harley (my friend is married so that piece is especially for her). If he likes football find some tickets to his favorite team’s game. Take him on a date. Show up at his job with a hot meal, high heels, and red lips. Rub his feet, back, neck, whatever.
In essence, I’m saying to make the man feel included, make the man feel like a priority, and make the man feel good.
I can’t leave you without saying that this advice is for women who are in healthy relationships. There needs to be an equal investment for this to be relevant. Otherwise, please note my answer from two years ago Kaisha at the beginnig of this post.
Anyone else have any advice? Anyone else gone through a similar situation and gotten through it? Let’s discuss in the comments?