Before you read, press play and watch that video. Listen to the words. Let it marinate.

Finished? Let’s chat.

This post is inspired by my friend Krystal’s blog post yesterday about men having a “moment of clarity” after they’ve sealed the deal with a woman.  She talked about how women also need to have this  moment of clarity, but how it needs to happen before the guy goes MIA, as they often do. I’m going to piggy back off that particular aspect of her post. The Before.

Maya Angelou told us a million times, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” I wrote a post earlier this week about learning how to categorize your relationships, and how that can be beneficial for you as someone who will be investing in said relationships. The same goes for the men you date. Instead of worrying about where you’re going to place them in your bed, figure out where you’re going to place them in your life. People will tell you exactly who they are and how they operate within, I would average, the first two weeks of knowing them. Listen to what they’re telling you. Observe their behavioral patterns. Take your rose colored sunglasses off for just a few minutes to adequately assess the situation.

My people, don’t be blind. Don’t be foolishly hopeful. Don’t enter a situation hoping to change it. Don’t create a fantasy of the man you want versus seeing the reality of the man standing right in front of you. Don’t let those fools rush in. It is up to you to guard your heart. That’s your responsibilty. Stop making yourself a perpetual victim. Be your own advocate. You have got to love yourself enough to determine whether something/someone is going to be good for you before you render yourself powerless to that person.

At some point, as grown ups, we have to take responsibility for our own lives and chalk some things up to the consequences of our choices. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Ladies, let us no longer be fools. Stop blaming men for being dogs when you’re always adopting them from the shelter.

You’re special. You are so so so special. But you’re not that special. It’s not your job to be the act of God that causes a man to change. It’s your job to set standards for yourself, and live according to them. If men do not meet those standards (notice, I said standards not list), they need to rotate. Keep it pushing. And you need to live your life and realize that you haven’t lost a thing but headaches, heart aches, and unsightly weight gain/loss from depression.

What I’m saying is: don’t expect these men to take care of you. It’s your job to be on your own team and to take care of yourself. When you start doing that, you will start attracting that. Trust me on this one. Does this look like the face of someone who would steer you wrong?

 

 

Live yo life! But protect yo cookies 😉

xoxo Kaisha