In 2014 I finally understood a lesson that my elders have been trying to teach me my entire life. I learned that I am young and dumb. Not unintelligent, because I’m obviously a bright young woman ;), but I lack the wisdom that comes from experience. A lot of my friends are older than I am, and I have always been called an old soul, so sometimes I forget that I’m really only 23. Every now and then, I feel this intense pressure to “get my life together”. I feel like I should know better and do better and be in a different position than the one I’m in. I feel inadequate because I’m not doing what I feel I should be, or I’m not where I feel I should be, or I don’t understand or execute things to the extent that I think I should.
While I’m sure that I will always have that commonly human “I can do better” feeling, I have come to terms with the fact that, as a wise woman once told me, it takes your whole life to live it. God willing, I’m only at the beginning of mine. When I think back on who I was at 15, then 18, then 21, now 23, I can see the things that have stayed the same, and the things that have changed. The things that have stayed the same are at the core of my being. The things that have changed are due to the experiences I’ve had. I have grasped the notion that I may know a lot, but there’s a lot more that I don’t know and that I won’t know until I live through some things. I will feel and believe differently about things than I do now in ten years. I won’t stop striving to be better, and to be the best version of myself that I can be. I won’t stop having high expectations for myself. However, I will give myself grace, and a little break, because I know that I still have a long way to go. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.