I used to be one of those women with a “list.” I used to think that I could hand pick the perfect man. He would be tall, dark, handsome, fit, make a lot of money, be artistic, and love to travel. He would buy me everything I asked for, be a good cook, be smart, and enjoy reading as much as I do, and be able to fix a leaky sink. Did I mention rich and handsome? I just knew that the perfect guy was out there waiting for a moment of serendipity with my equally perfect self. Then reality back handed me across the face.
After I graduated and got a job and started meeting “real” men, I quickly came to realize that they’re just as much of a mess as I am. Getting on their feet and getting situated is just as hard for them as it is for me. Trying to find yourself and find your calling and find your little light under the sun is just as difficult for them as it is for me. My struggles have made room for more empathy in my life. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t want no scrubs 😉 but when I see a man doing his best, I have learned to appreciate it. I have learned to evaluate a man by his demonstrated character rather than the number of check marks he has on my list. In fact, I decided that I had to meet all the criteria on my own list. This has caused me to edit both the list and myself. I won’t tell you which one needed the most work. 😉
I’ve taken the focus off of what kind of man I want, which has freed me to focus on being the woman I want to become. Funny how that naturally attracts the type of men I want. There’s gotta be some kind of science to it. So all the while, I’ve been chiseling away at my old list and have gotten it down to the basics:
Loves family and friends
Makes goal conducive decisions
And that’s it. I have realized that I don’t need a ready made life. I just want someone to build one with. This whole post grad thing is a magnificent and humbling experience. Of course, some days are better than others, but these lessons are positively invaluable. I can only hope that “the one” is out there learning, growing, and eating a daily dose of humble pie just as much as I am.