I’m writing this post just as it’s about to turn midnight for the start of Christmas Day. And I’m thinking…
I’m thinking about my dear friend who will wake up tomorrow morning and start the trek toward her new life in Detroit with her new husband and the new baby that she’s cooking. This is what she’s always wanted. And she got it. And that is something to be excited about.
I’m thinking about how much that smacking sound that my grandmother makes drives me crazy! I think her meds make her mouth dry. I wish she didn’t have to take those meds. Every time that smacking grates away at my nerves, I think about the fact that she’s 84 years old and still alive to smack. I think of all the people I know who would kill to have their grandmother’s get on their nerves for just one more day. Selfishly, I never want her to stop. I want her to talk endlessly about things I don’t care about with small interruptions of the black history that she lived. I want her to say “haaaah?” and “beg your pardon” while sticking her ear out because she can’t hear and repeat myself a million more times. I want her to tap dance on my nerves for as long as humanly possible, because it’s a blessing to have an 84 year old grandmother [to work on your nerves] period.
I’m thinking about the fact that my friend and I made it an unofficial tradition to start a new year reading a book together, set goals, and then hold each other accountable with monthly check-ins and we stuck with it. And we’re doing it again. And she is my safe zone at social functions because she hates small talk just as much as I do, but she carries my dead weight anyway and does the reaching out when the introvert in me quietly hides in the corner. Thanks for being my shield. Seriously.
I’m thinking about my parents. I don’t even have the time to say it all. Just know that I would literally slit someone’s throat if they messed with them and admit to it in court and honestly say that I’d do it again. Without flenching. You see your parents as super humans when you’re a kid, then you become an adult and see them for who they really are. And you think about how old they were when you bombarded your way into their lives (and compare it to where you are in your adult life) and it’s like yeah, actually, everything I thought about them being super human was true. And you just hope and pray that somehow that super human stuff transfers over when you become someone’s parent. They have created a safety net for me that is indescribable. There are no words but “thank you.”
I’m thinking about my tribe. Because of them I believe in soulmates. I don’t think it’s a romantic thing anymore. I think it’s the people you show yourself to and they love that self with all of its imperfections. They correct you in love and they celebrate with you and they mourn with you and they really truly care about you. And they miss you when you’re gone. And they make you better. And their lives are a part of yours. And you’re not afraid to admit that even though you’re a boss chick, you need them and they need you. I have all of that. I have several soulmates.
I’m thinking about how I genuinely fell in love with my journey. I think it happened when I took myself out to brunch all alone and realized that I didn’t have to wait for anyone or anything to do what I wanted to do. I decided that now is always the perfect time. I decided that I am always enough. I decided that I am living a life that I love right now. Today. Currently. And that is how I have chosen to define success.
I’m thinking about how amazing 2016 is going to be. God willing, see you there!