I remember being a kid desperately wanting to be a teenager. Then being a teenager and not being able to wait until I got to college so I could be a cool college kid. Then being in college and wanting to finally be done so I could be in the real world as my twenty-five-year-old self because I knew by then I’d be living in a big ol’ house in Atlanta driving a G Wagon with a snatched waistline, a fine (wealthy) husband, and really healthy hair. I don’t know why healthy hair was a part of my fantasy, but it was. I remember graduating from college and going through the post grad blues because I wasn’t making enough money and I didn’t have a “real” job and my car was unreliable and I wasn’t walking in my purpose. Whew chile, never underestimate Pisces ability to self-loathe.
Then, it happened. I got a real job. And I could afford a better car. And I was doing everything I was supposed to. Not in Atlanta- I stayed in Dallas. Not in a Benz- I got a Toyota. And no wealthy husband, unless you’re talking about Don Julio or Jose Cuervo. However, my waist was snatched. And it was perfect. And then I got promoted at my big girl job. And then I met a dude. Not wealthy. Good enough looking. And I married him. And then I got fired. And then I got another big girl job. And then I got divorced. And then I got promoted again. And before I knew it, twenty-five had come and gone and it looked nothing like I thought it would. Nothing.
Now, I have a good job. One that a lot of people would probably love to have. This is the most money I’ve made to date. I’m really happy. But you know what I wish I had more of? Time. The thing I wished away. The thing I wasted away. I spent a lot of time wanting to transport myself into another phase of life. Now, I think back on the days before I had a big girl job and I had time to get up and make myself breakfast and come home for lunch and make dinner every night. I had time to read my favorite books and watch a movie every night of the week. I had time to go out with my friends four times a week and not miss a single wink of sleep. I had time to deal with my Jeep’s alternator being wishy-washy and only starting when it felt like it without worrying about missing something.
Quite frankly, I don’t need to go back to those days. I already lived them. They’re filled with debauchery, hair dye, stilettos, and tears. My only regret is not appreciating the time I had. If I could get some of it back I would.
I know this world tells us that we need to hustle hustle hustle. And that’s cool, to a certain extent. But while you’re trying to get where you’re going, I advise you to slow down and take in the beauty of where you are. In fact, stop right now. Take a deep breath in. Now exhale. Think about the sounds around you. What do you hear? What do you smell? Think about how your body feels propped up on whatever surface you’re on. Think about how you feel in this moment. Calm? Anxious? Pissed? Exhausted? Think of something that makes you smile. Then just sit with yourself for a second, knowing that you will never have this exact moment again. Cherish it.