While you’re pregnant people love to tell you about how hard pregnancy is going to be and then they top it off by inundating you with horror stories about how you’ll never sleep again. You’ll hear the same crap over and over again but there are a few things that people forget about in the haze that is new motherhood. I imagine it’s because the memories of these particular things fade quickly. But don’t worry, Kaish Kaish is telling you before I forget. Before I start, though, take everything with a grain of salt because none of these things will make you love your baby any less. Nor will they compare to the joy you’ll receive when that sweet little crumb snatcher is placed in your arms.

That’s a Load of Crap
Excretion becomes an extreme sport just after giving birth. Whether you have a vaginal delivery or a cesarean, it is not uncommon at all to have issues regulating your stool post delivery. They are frightful. It will feel like loads of shrapnel exiting your body. Then come the hemorrhoids. Water. Fiber. Stool softener. Witch hazel. Apple cider vinegar. Sitz bath. All of it. Get it. Use it.

The Munchies
If you thought you were hungry during pregnancy- TUH! The “fourth trimester” cravings are real. I ate more burgers in the first three months of my child’s life than I did during all four years of high school. Breastfeeding makes you an athlete. Now pair that with the energy it takes to reassemble internal organs and operate your sleep deprived body all day. Of course, fill your body with nutrients, but that first few months of adjustment is not the time for your crash diet, your OMAD plan, or bullying yourself into restricting calories so you can “snap back”. Let your body adjust first, mama.

Stepped on a Crack?
After, essentially, ten months of your body throwing itself off balance to grow a human and loosening ligaments so you can release said human, you’d expect your back to be relieved after delivery. Well, don’t. Instead, expect to get a back massager. Expect to pay your chiropractor a visit. Between the constant bending over for diaper changes, bed time, bath time, the picking up and carrying of your new bundle of joy and figuring out which nursing positions work best for you and babe, sis, it hurts. But just like everything else, you will figure out how to maintenance and salvage your back and the pain will subside!

Momsomnia
You reach a certain threshold when your baby starts sleeping for longer periods of time but you are so used to waking up in the middle of the night that you continue to do it anyway. And as much as you want to resume counting sheep, you feel anxious about it because you just know that the very second you finally drift off, the child is going to wake up hollering. This is a hard battle. I’ve basically had to relinquish control and affirm myself like this:
She is fine. You can rest so that when she does wake you will be able to attend to her and the two of you can promptly fall asleep again.

I’m a Cow
When people talk about breastfeeding, the emphasis is always on how nutritious it is for the baby. And it is. But people often fail to mention the toll it can take on the mom. For instance, if your child STARTS nursing every two hours, you are essentially spending HALF OF YOUR DAY breastfeeding. I also didn’t realize that there would be milk everywhere. Shooting out in the shower. Soaking your shirts during the day. Spilling down your legs when you walk to the toilet in the morning. Oh, and you don’t know thirst until you start removing fluid from your body to feed another human. So, get a large container to put water in. You’re gonna need it.

These were the things that caught me by the most surprise, so I wanted to help an expectant out. These subtle inconveniences start to fade as time goes on. In the grand scheme of things, they are tear drops in a bucket, but when you are a new mom they can feel like the end of the world, especially, if you didn’t see them coming. Fear not! After you get through it, you’ll forget about these things just like every other mom does. And when you’re loving on that baby and watching them grow into a more alert, more fun, more amazing person everyday, I promise you, the time really flies.

Xoxo Kaisha